Twice this past couple of weeks, I've been rudely reminded my friend is no longer with me. The first time, I was asked to display some of my photographs at an arts festival. I was so excited, and the first person I wanted to call was LeRae. I wanted to share that with her, knowing she'd be excited for me, as well. I also knew she'd be there with me, the day of the showing, supporting me, and making sure, in her not-so-subtle way, everyone knew who took those particular photos. The second rude reminder came when I was looking for a certain picture - taken on one of our road trips - but I couldn't remember which trip it was. I knew she would remember (she always did!), so I picked up the phone to call her. Only after I had started to dial her number did I realize, she wasn't there anymore. I could call her number all day long, and she wouldn't pick up. That hit me like a train. Even when you know, it's hard to break a habit like that. The habit I had of being able to call her, and share fun, and exciting news, or to ask her a question. The habit of having her there.
What I'd give to have one last phone call. Just to dial her up, and hear her voice on the other end. Even if it was just to ask her, "Are you ok? Are you happy?" While deep in my heart, I know she is, to actually hear it from her would make such a difference. Yes - I know that's not possible - at least not in this life. I'll have to wait for the next. . .
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