One More Day. . .

Always tell those you love that you love them, every day. You never know when that last "I love you" will be THE last one. Tell people you appreciate them, and you're glad they're part of your life. Never take anything for granted, especially time, because none of us really know how much time we have on this earth.

I got a call from a friend this morning, telling me something was going on at one of the neighbor's houses down the road. There were ambulances, and county deputies there. She texted me later to tell me our neighbor Ron had collapsed, and was on his way to the hospital. We immediately sent up prayers. Several minutes later, my friend texted me again, to tell me Ron had passed away. I was instantly numb with shock, and broke down in tears, even though we were never really close with those neighbors. I have always liked, and respected them very much, but hadn't spent much time with them. Now it's too late. I'll never be able to tell Ron how much I appreciated him putting up with all my calls asking which wild critters I could shoot to protect my live stock. I'll never be able to tell him how much I appreciated him keeping an eye on our property, to keep out the idiots who liked to sneak in, and fish our pond without permission. I'll never be able to tell him how much I appreciated him checking in on my niece when she lived down the road from us, with an abusive boyfriend, or how much safer I felt being out here by myself, knowing he was just a phone call away. And now, I'll never get to really know him.

I'm so sad for Ron's family - his wife, his children, and his grandchildren, who will never know their grandpa. I feel sad for his mother, because I too, know what it's like to lose a son. I'm sad for their loss, especially knowing what they've gone through, in this year of horrors for our little neighborhood. I send up prayers for Ron's family, for strength to endure this heartbreak, and for the strength to carry on, and continue their rebuilding, since the tornadoes. I pray they find peace.

I've always known death can be sudden, and unexpected. I've always known it can happen to anyone, at any time. We got that dreaded phone call in 1993, when our son was killed in a repelling accident, so you'd think that would be enough of a wake up call, so to speak. And it was. For a while. We tend to get complacent with our lives, and the lives of others, forgetting, or opting to not think about how suddenly we can lose someone we love. We don't think to thank God every day for allowing us one more day. One more day to spend on this earth. One more day to spend with those we love. One more day.

But how many "one more days" do we have? No one knows the answer to that question, so we need to be more appreciative for what we have, and we need to appreciate it every, single day.  We need to wake up, and learn to smell the roses. We need to learn to live life with gusto, and stop being so afraid of everything. Death will come to us all, no matter how careful we are, so we need to LIVE while we still have time. Those of us who believe need to thank God for the time we have, and for those people in our lives who make our lives worth living. And life IS worth living.

So before you go to bed tonight, or when you wake up in the morning, take a deep breath, and thank God you're still breathing, and that your loved one's are still breathing. Thank God for today, and every day, because we never know when it will be our last. Be thankful for your family, and friends. Be thankful you have one more day.

Everything happens for a reason. . . . .

They say, everything happens for a reason. I don't know who "they" are, but I've questioned them a lot. What the heck do "they" know, anyway? Who are they, and what makes them so smart? Well. . . . I guess they know more than I give them credit for sometimes, as hard as that might be for me to admit.

I know I've blogged a lot about the tornado, but it's had a big impact on my life. We're moving on, and getting back to normal, so to speak, but there are still days when I look at how different our place, and our neighborhood is now, that I wonder why something like this happened. I know it's just one of those things - bad things happen to people, and most of the time, we find no rhyme or reason for it. "Stuff happens," as the saying goes. You take it on the chin, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go on. Life knocks you on your rear end sometimes, but you deal with it.

But. . . . . there are things that have happened as a direct result of the tornado that wouldn't have happened otherwise, and I am very thankful for that. If not for the tornado, I wouldn't have gotten to know some of my neighbors as well as I know them now. Like the Comers, who I've talked to in the past, but never really talked to, if you know what I mean. They are awesome people - very down to earth, and good people. And my neighbor Miranda, who is as good, and nice a person as I've ever met. She lived a quarter mile down the road from me for several years, and I had talked to her all of once, in all that time. I've found I really enjoy talking to her, and have more in common with her than I would have imagined. We both have a penchant for muscle cars, and photography, and we both have the same soft spot in our hearts for our state, and our community. We both also seem to enjoy blogging, although I think Miranda is much better with the written word than I am. As a matter of fact, if you've read my earlier blogs, she's the one who inspired me to get started. I'm glad I've gotten to know some of my neighbors better. They're truly good people, and I've missed that all these years.

Also as a result of the tornado, I've somehow become a more patient, and understanding person. I don't know where this new-found patience came from, but I think I kind of like it. I tend to think before I speak these days, instead of just flying off the handle - a thing I've been very good at over the years. I'm not saying I don't still have my melt-down moments, but not like before. I've learned to be more accepting of people who, for some reason, I had no tolerance for in the past. I've learned that there are a lot of good people around me, if I'd just take the time to get to know them a little bit. Things, and people aren't always as they first appear, and first impressions can really be deceiving. Just because someone is different than you, certainly doesn't make them less. We need to take more time to really get to know someone before we start judging them. Shame on me for doing that.

I've become closer to my family since the storms. There's nothing quite like huddling in your storm shelter, knowing your son is across the way, sitting all alone in his. Pretty scary stuff, and definitely not something I want to do again. I said a lot of prayers while in the cellar that day, and I have to say, all of them were answered. EVERY.SINGLE.ONE. In spite of all the damage, I still have everyone, and everything around me that really matters. God blessed me more that day than the storms damaged me, that's for sure.

Other things have happened since the storms that wouldn't have happened otherwise. When Cimarex sent the crew out here to help us with clean up, those guys were so cool, and so nice, and so awesome. They helped do things they didn't have to do, like clean out our pond, and rebuild the dam. There's just no way we would have ever had the money to get that done, and get it done as well as what they did. They listened when I told them "I'd really like to keep that tree, if possible," and didn't just go willy nilly through the canyons knocking things down. They understood how much it hurt to see all those trees go, and how much it meant to us to keep the one's we could. They went above, and beyond, and I thank them so much for that. They'll never know how much they contributed to our being able to move forward, and have some peace of mind.

So, maybe "they" know what they're talking about after all, especially when they say, everything happens for a reason. It's pretty sad to think it took nearly being blown off the planet to make me realize this. I guess you really can teach an old dog a new trick. That's what "they" say, right?  

Thank God, and good Meteorologists

    
Tonight the hubs and I decided to go over to the west pasture, to see what kind of damage the tornadoes had done over there. The one word we both kept saying over, and over again, was "WOW." It's hard to imagine the awesome, terrible power that could cause such destruction, in such a short amount time. You really can't put in to words what goes through your mind looking at the twisted, broken, and over-turned trees. We went out there specifically to check on one, big old oak tree, to see if it had weathered the storm. That tree was at least 100 years old, and had definitely stood the test of time. I guess this was one test it couldn't pass. Not only was it over-turned, it was badly mangled, had been struck by lightening, and was partially burned. How that entire canyon didn't burn to the ground is beyond me. By the grace of God alone. . .

I am in complete awe of the power, and random destruction of a tornado. It can take out a huge, old tree like our oak, but leave a smaller blackjack tree beside it completely untouched. It can take a cedar tree, and turn it inside out, and yet the elm beside it doesn't have a mark on it. It's very strange, and kind of eerie. How can such power pick up one building, and drop it on another, but yet one 10 feet away is unmoved? How can it suck a lawn chair into a barn, the barn be completely destroyed, and yet the chair sits there, in pristine condition? How can a tornado totally destroy 2 barns, one on either end of our house, yet the house is still standing? It took the tank battery from the west well site - you could see the huge divots in the ground where it bounced across the pasture like a beach ball, to the edge of the canyon, then completely disappeared. It's no where on our property - we looked. It's baffling, to say the least.

When the hubs and I were driving around looking at storm damage, we noticed one of the neighbors houses, in particular. The house was almost completely decimated, yet the solid glass, double doors at the back of the house were still intact, and unbroken.  How does this happen? 

Tornadoes are natures most violent storms. In an average year, 800 tornadoes are reported nationwide, resulting in 80 deaths and over 1,500 injuries. The most violent tornadoes are capable of tremendous destruction with wind speeds of 250 mph or more. Damage paths can be in excess of one mile wide and 50 miles long. The tornado that came through here on May 24th traveled 73 miles, and was reported to be at least a mile wide. Only 2% of all tornadoes are this powerful, and account for 70% of all tornado deaths. Are we incredibly lucky? Most definitely.

Tornado warnings are not to be taken lightly. I know there are members of my family who think I panic every time there's a cloud in the sky, but this isn't true. I don't panic - I get prepared. I like to be aware of what's going on around me, especially during "tornado season." I used to be terrified of thunderstorms, but over the years, I have learned to respect them, and just pay attention. I've been known to stand out in the middle of the yard, and take pictures of the lightening, and sometimes, get a lucky shot at some awesome cloud formations.

When the May 24th tornadoes came through, I had absolutely no desire to stand out in the yard taking pictures. This one had a whole different "feel" to it. A lot of people have said it felt bad long before the bad stuff started. Intuition is a great thing to have, and I'm glad I listened to mine that day. I'm glad my family and my neighbors did, too. Even with all the destruction, and losses, we're all alive to tell about it. Thank God, and good meteorologists for that!                                                                                                                                                                    

A new sense of peace

As I was sitting outside this evening, enjoying the breeze, and looking at the stars, I noticed a new calm within myself. I felt peaceful for the first time since the tornadoes, and man, does that feel nice. Things aren't "finished", as we still have a lot of work to do, but I finally feel like I'm moving forward.

As I sat there watching the skies, I saw a shooting star, and took that as a sign that everything is going to be ok. I believe in signs, and I still wish on stars, so this has to be true. I know it's true. While some things within us may have changed with all we've been through, we're still the people we were before May 24th. Hopefully even better, and stronger. I still love this place where I live - love the openness, love the smells, the sounds, the people, this land. I love Oklahoma.

I know a whole lot of people who think this state is too cold, too hot, too flat, too windy, and it's all of the above, but no matter where I've wandered in my life, I've always ended up right back here. I think if you know where to look, the views in Oklahoma are breath taking - every bit as much to me, as what the oceans, and mountains are to others. I find quite a lot of beauty in the flat, sweeping plains, and in the gently rolling hills, in the wheat fields, and pastures full of cattle. I love the smell of fresh cut hay, freshly mown lawns, and newly plowed dirt. I love how the vast majority of the people here are friendly, and will wave, or give a nod when you pass them on the road. I love how neighbors help neighbors when there's a need. I love watching the lightening bugs in the summer, listening to the locust (cicada's) in the trees, walking through the pasture with my husband, and my dogs. I love sitting in the front yard, watching my granddaughters play, and laugh.

When I think about this place I call home, my heart swells, and sometimes I get teary eyed with thankfulness because I feel so lucky to be here. I've been a lot of places in my life, but this is the place I've always felt most at ease, most at peace, closest to God. So even though the tornadoes shook us up, and tore up some things, this place is still home, and we're staying put. We'll fight for it, like we always have during days long torrential downpours, weird hurricanes, droughts, ice storms, and all kinds of crappy weather, including tornadoes. We'll fight for it now, and we'll fight for it tomorrow, because this place is ours, and Dorothy was right: there's no place like home. And I believe it takes more than just a house, to make a home.

It's not "just a tree"

It's not for me anyway. It's a symbol. It's a symbol of the beginning of mine, and my husbands life together - the beginning of the blending of our families into one. The beginnings of "home." I lovingly planted each, and every tree in our yard, watered them, fed them, tried to keep them strong. I fought gophers, grasshoppers, and the darn male dogs who did their own share of "watering." I threatened children, dogs, cows, and horses, and crossed fingers, and prayed during high winds, and hail. I nurtured them, and watched them grow.

Silly as it may sound, I love my trees. They're a part of my yard, my home, my family, my heart. They are living, breathing pieces of art in my yard, and I think they're beautiful. They give cool breezes, and shade in the summer, homes to the birds, a cozy spot for the hammock, and beauty to my yard. They give comfort to my soul. I love to hear the breeze blowing through the trees in the evenings, love hearing the night birds singing from their branches. I can lay in bed at night, or sit on the porch for hours listening to their songs. The trees sing their own kind of songs too - the swaying of the branches, the rustling of the leaves. It's a peaceful, comforting sound. It's the sound of home.

Being forced to cut down, and drag the trees from the canyon behind the house is bad enough. I love those trees, too. They're part of nature, part of our landscape, they block the winter winds, and they're my privacy screen. Those trees have been in the canyon for years, and years, so it's sad to see them have to come down, or dragged up, and away to be cut up, and burned. It's 100 times harder to have to cut up the trees in our yard, because I feel like they're a piece of me - a piece of my home.

So when you think it's silly for me to cry over a tree that was ravaged by the tornado, try to look at that tree through my eyes. Try to see it as the amazing, beautiful being it is. See it as part of my home. See it as something that's more than just a tree. .

After Thoughts

It's been pretty hard getting a handle on the emotional aspects of this thing. I could never have imagined how something like that would affect me, and the people around me. One good thing that came from it though, is a new appreciation for things we've always taken for granted. I don't think it's something we'll ever get over, because it's left scars I can't even begin to explain. It's left me feeling more vulnerable than I ever have before, but that might not be a bad thing in the long run. Like I said before - there's a lesson here, and I think it's for all of us.

I think part of the lesson is to never take anything for granted, whether it be material things, or the people around you. You never really know what you'll miss, or how much you'll miss it, until it's not there anymore.

I've heard it asked, why God would allow something like this to happen. I don't think God allowed it. It just is. But I have no doubt God had His hand on us - that's why we're still here. And if he did allow it, maybe it was a wake up call. I know it woke me up.

I had a lot of trouble believing in God for a long time, and had it not been for my grandmother, I'm not sure I would believe at all. My grandmother always had a way of explaining things, and putting them in perspective so even I could understand them, when I was young. She died in the hospital one time, but came back. She told me afterwards, she went to Heaven, and God spoke to her. He told her it wasn't her time yet - that she still had something to do on earth. She was very sad about this, and asked me: "What did I do that God doesn't want me?" If you could have seen the look on her face, and heard the quiver in her voice when she asked me this, it would have broken your heart, right along with mine. I told her, it wasn't that God didn't want her - there was just something left here for her to do, and several months later, my youngest son died in a repelling accident. It was my grandmother's faith, and words of comfort that helped my family and I get through that horrific time in our lives. Six months later, my grandmother passed away. Her job was done, and God took her home.

I can still hear my grandmother's words of wisdom, and I'm so thankful I had her in my life. She was a wonderful teacher, the best of friends, and the most God loving, faithful person I have ever known. Without the guidance she gave me through my early years, I wouldn't have the faith I have today. That faith has gotten me through a lot, especially lately, and I thank her, and love her so much for that. Her faith, and God's love. What more could I need?

Survivors of the storm

Although sometimes it feels like it, I know I'm not alone in my feelings in the aftermath of the tornado's. There are days I wonder if things will ever be the same again, and I'm sure they won't. How could they be? There are days I wonder if I can bear looking at all the devastation one more time, because it's all so heart wrenching. Some days I don't want to leave the house, because it's my safety net, but yet, in some ways, I don't feel safe here anymore. Being in the path of a tornado has a way of making you feel very small, very weak, and very mortal. Something like that shakes you to your core, and makes you look at things a lot differently. It makes you realize you are very small in the grand scheme of things, because a tornado doesn't care who you are, what you look like, how much money you make, or your status in life. It makes you realize how fragile life is, and how fast it can all be taken away. Literally. It makes you realize what true fear really is, while you're huddled in your storm shelter, listening to your world being torn apart. It makes you realize how truly precious life really is, and how much you love your family, your friends, and even people you barely know. It also makes you appreciate what you have, more, I think, than just about anything else could.

I can't even begin to describe the feelings you experience in the first moments, and days after climbing out of the cellar, and seeing how altered your world has become. It's shocking, frightening, humbling. It's like walking through a nightmare in which you can't awaken. It's one thing to sit in the comfort of your living room, watching the news, and seeing damage from storms. It's a whole 'nuther thing to walk through it. It's like the difference in watching a car crash in a movie, and actually being in one. And of course, it's completely different when it happens to someone else, and when it happens to you. It brings home just how personal something like that can be.

While we still have our home, and we're exceptionally grateful for that, we still feel a loss. Seeing your barns, and out-buildings, and trees in ruins hurts.  I've been told "well - you were going to tear that barn down anyway," but having it taken is different. To me, it's the difference between selling a car, and having it stolen. This wasn't a choice we made.  We feel the loss for our neighbors, too. Watching them pick through the rubble, looking for even the tinniest things from their life before. Watching them standing there, looking at their former life in ruins. It hurts to watch them hurt. It hurts to see all of the trees that lined our roads broken, busted, and over turned. Our landmarks are gone, and everything just feels so different. I think it's changed the landscapes of our hearts, and souls, too, and I don't think any of us will ever be quite the same again. But we're here, and we'll carry on. Some will rebuild, and some will repair, but we'll all move forward. We'll face each day as it comes, and we'll lift each others spirits however we can, because we're all in this together. We are survivors of the storm.

Random thoughts

I've never had a blog before, so this is all new to me. I'm not really sure where to start, but I was inspired by my neighbor, Miranda Lewis, after the tornado's of May 24, 2011. Miranda writes her thoughts beautifully, and I'm a bit ashamed (make that a lot) that I never got to know her as my neighbor before her home was destroyed by the tornado.

I read Miranda's blog for the first time this evening, and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. Things have been so stressful since the tornado, and I was feeling pretty down today - dealing with the insurance company, the mortgage company - the internet provider - it all gets a bit overwhelming. I needed to read Miranda's blog today. It helped to put a lot of things in perspective for me. I have my moments when I look to God for support, but I have to admit, there are times I forget to do that. I tend to let things build up, until I get to the point I think I'm going to explode. Today was one of those days. I needed to take a step back, and re-realize how lucky, and how blessed I really am. God has been good to me, even in those times I didn't think I deserved it. God is good, and God is there, even when we forget to look to him for comfort. I need to remember that more often. Thank you, Miranda, for reminding me of that.

This has been a stressful time for a lot of people. I don't think I'm special in that regard. I do realize how lucky I am - I still have my home, and most of our belongings. The house sustained some damage, but thankfully, it wasn't as serious as we originally thought it was. That, in, and of itself, is a miracle, especially if you could see the damage less than 50 feet from the back of our house. It looks like a war zone.

I've had more than a dozen people tell me how lucky we are, and how thankful I should be, and I am. I will be eternally grateful that we were spared more damage, but that doesn't mean I can't be sad for the things we lost. I AM sad about that, but I'm mostly sad for our neighbors, and our neighborhood. Everything has changed, and it will never be the same. Not in my life-time. The entire landscape that we loved, and yes, took for granted, is ravaged, and sad, and gone. It's so hard to look at that day in, and day out, and not be touched by it. I've cried more tears in the past 3 weeks than I ever thought was possible, and I'm not a person who cries easily. My heart breaks for those who lost their homes, and I send up prayers for them constantly, asking God to help them make it through this difficult time in their lives. I can't imagine what they're going through. I often wonder how we were spared, when so many have lost so much. There has to be a lesson there. I just need to find it.