I wish. . .

Oh my friend I miss you so. I always think of you, but so much more so lately. The road has been calling, but I can’t seem to answer, for missing your presence on the ride. There’s a big, empty seat where you should be, riding shotgun, and making me laugh so hard I cry. There’s also this big hole in my heart that no one else will ever be able to fill, and it aches so much that at times I can barely breath. And I know it’s only those of us left here on earth that carry this sadness, and this sorrow – this ache, and the grief. I know you’re happy in Heaven. I know you’re rejoicing, and singing, and taking pictures, and loving every minute of being back with John, and your parents, and the loved ones that went on before. I rejoice in that, too, but there are times, like today, when I miss you beyond words. When the ache in my chest threatens to explode, and obliterate what’s left of my heart. When the tears are hot, and seemingly endless, and the memories are so clear I can almost touch them. When I want to call you on the phone, and talk about nothing for hours. When no one but you would understand how I feel. 

There are so many things I want to tell you. So many things I just need to talk about. I need to hear your voice. I need my friend. 

There are those who think I talk about you too much, or miss you too much, or that I should have moved on with my life. And I have, for the most part. I have moved forward. I’ve made some new friends, and there are days I’m sincerely happy, but you are never far from my thoughts. There are those who will never understand our friendship, and how much it meant to me. I hope they never have to understand it through my eyes. I hope they never have to lose someone who was such a huge part of their lives. I hope they never have to grieve like I’ve grieved for you. I wish no one had to lose their best friend. Their sister at heart. I wish. . .  oh I wish. I wish you were here.